People tend to feel jealous in a relationship due to numerous reasons. Jealousy sometimes can be triggered by your partner’s actions. Also some form of jealousy can be psychological too.
According to seth meyer, jealousy can be in the form of insecurity. Most times people feeling jealous out of their insecurity are always associated with low self esteem. This will make them to think they aren’t worthy to keep their partner. This is probably the reason for their reactions to every single thing they partner do.
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He also associated jealousy to obsessive thinking. In this case, the person thinks too much. They try to create negative pictures for any single occasion. This will always lead them to making negative conclusion. For instance, when their partner smiles while reading a text, they will associate it to cheating.
Jealousy is a big factor that has ruined most relationship. My friend’s experience triggered me to write this article. She was seriously regretting ending her last relationship with mike. According to her, mike was a nice person, the most caring person she ever met. I asked her if Mike is that nice, then why did they their relationship. She then narrated how she went to mike apartment uninvited, getting there she saw another lady there, but didn’t see Mike. She ended up fighting with the lady. To cut the whole story short, the young lady she fought with was only mike’s cousin sister. Then one thing led to another and the relationship ended.
When I asked her, what gave her such motivation to fight a random woman. She replied “I had seen her pictures on mike’s computer, so I thought Mike was cheating on me because she is prettier”.
Although am not supporting mike not telling my friend that her cousin sister will be coming over. But, assuming she acted with wisdom, their relationship will not be a story for others to learn from.
I think it is good to share some of this tips on how you can control jealousy, to avoid making similar mistake as my friend.
Here are some of the proven ways to avoid jealousy
Think before you act.
This can’t be over emphasized. Our action is the most important thing. You are free to feel jealous as a human, but letting your emotions control your actions is the big problem. Your actions here include what you say or how you react to a situation.
If my friend weighed the consequences of fighting with the lady she met in Mike’s house, she would have retreated. That would have improved her respect because it will show maturity.
Although her action was due to her insecurity, but checking the consequences of our action before we act will generally improve many things about us. I also recommend you check out the 5 by 5 rule in life.
learn to communicate in love.
I have always emphasized the benefits of communication in any form of relationship. There are certain things your partner might do, that can trigger jealousy. Make out time to discuss these things with them, when the pressure is reduced. You can decide to say these things in a laughable way, that way you have passed your message. At the same time, you didn’t cause any misunderstanding.
You can also decide to use my 48 hours rule in relationship. So it will help you evaluate your actions, in order to differentiate trivial matters from important things.
Find reasons to trust your partner.
Most times we dwell in the negative more than the positive. Look back, you will see reasons to trust your partner. Trusting people can affect you psychologically too. It helps you to create less of the negative images about the person’s actions, if you are an obsessed thinker.
Also, trusting your partner can also have effects on him/her too. For sure, they will interact better with the world out there. Knowing their partner trusted them.
Jealousy sometimes can be caused by our own selfish attitude. Putting your own interest first all the time, is never a healthy practice for any relationship.
Remember, your partner is also human. They had friends before meeting you. They also met other people too. Choosing you over all those people instead of any other person is never a mistake. This alone, should be enough reason for you to trust them without doubt.
If you are okay seeing them with same sex, why getting obsessed when you see them with opposite sex? Even if they have hidden agendas, then save yourself the stress by feeling less jealous.
Stop behaviors that triggers jealousy.
King Solomon made it clear, if you listen to everything, you may hear your servants cursing you.
Trying to know all your partners movement and actions can be very dangerous. What were you expecting to see by checking their inbox or messages on bucketbuff? I advise you should stop it and learn to mind your business.
Assuming my friend called mike before going over to his place, she would have saved the drama for another day. Although, I am not saying surprise visit is wrong.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Little jealousy is healthy for any relationship, you only feel jealous when you love. But, it is good we know our limit, so we won’t allow things that will be irrelevant in 5 years or even 5 days ruin our life.
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